Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.” – John 8:11
As I watch the Gospel scene of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11) play out in my imagination, I notice the looks on the people’s faces. The Pharisees and scribes who brought the woman look judgmental and disgusted. They “forced her to stand in their midst.” Imagine her trapped there between all these important men. This woman was a pawn in the Pharisees and scribes plot to trap Jesus in a theological conundrum. These men sought to stone her, yet when confronted with their own sinfulness through their consciences, they “left her alone” with Christ.
Now I imagine the woman’s face. When she sees herself through the point of view of the men, her face is full of shame and fear. Then, when she is left alone with Jesus, He asks her to look around and see who will stone her. I imagine that when she sees no one, her feelings turn from shame to guilt. She knows she has sinned in the eyes of God. When she sees Jesus’s face, it is calm and merciful, but also serious. He loves her too much to allow her to stay in sin. He frees her (“go”), but He also calls her to convert her life (“from now on do not sin any more”).
Guilt could be described as the feeling that we have done something wrong and we need to make amends. When I feel guilty, I recognize that my behavior has fallen short, but my identity remains rooted in the truth that I am a beloved child of God. Conversely, the feeling of toxic shame is more about a person’s identity, who they are inside. A person might say, “I am bad/dirty/worthless/useless.” These are all lies, no matter what a person’s behavior. Each and every person was created by God in His image and likeness, and therefore deserving of dignity and mercy.
In the past, when I have looked at myself through the eyes of others, especially those who may be judgmental, I have experienced shame. But when I see myself through Christ’s eyes, I can sometimes experience guilt. And though it is not fun, it is a good thing. I know that when I feel those pangs of guilt, I can bring that to Jesus in Confession. I know that there I will encounter His merciful love and be blessed with the grace to turn away from whatever temptation I am struggling with.
Jesus, thank you for being so gentle and merciful when we have sinned. Help us to see ourselves through Your compassionate eyes.