“And Jesus wept.” – John 11:35
Those of us who have “the gift of tears” might actually view them as the “curse of tears.” It can be embarrassing to have to keep tissues close and apologize for wearing your heart on your sleeve. But if you have this gift, or know someone who does, I want to help you truly see it as a gift from God instead of something to be ashamed of. First off, there’s an actual Latin phrase for the gift of tears: donum lacrimarum (now you know it has to be a real gift!). These tears can be from spiritual sorrow, being touched by something beautiful or joyful, the longing of the soul for God, or by sensing the Presence of God or consolations from Him. Tears of sorrow can be caused by true contrition for your own sins, and can lead to deep repentance. They can also spring out of sadness for injustices and sins against another, or out of sympathy and compassion for another’s pain.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15
Contrast the tears of sorrow over sin or pain of another with prideful tears of self-pity. The gift of tears doesn’t apply to selfish tears. St. Catherine of Siena spends several pages of her Dialogue on spiritual tears, and here she addresses this kind of tears: “Then her heart is sad, and at once her eyes, sensing the heart’s pain and sadness, begin to weep in tender self-pity, a pity springing from spiritual selfishness, because she has not yet completely put underfoot and drowned her self-will” (89). These tears come from a place of self-love as opposed to a place of love for God and neighbor. Still, even tears that are born from our struggles are precious to God (see Psalm 56:8).
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your record?” – Psalm 56:8
St. Catherine describes several types of spiritual tears, which can bear different fruits. Here is her description of tears springing from a sense of God’s presence: “When she feels the presence of my eternal Godhead she begins to shed sweet tears that are truly a milk that nourishes the soul in true patience. These tears are a fragrant ointment that sends forth a most delicate perfume” (89). Pope Francis said that we can pray for the grace to pray through tears in this way: “We, too, can ask the Lord for the gift of tears. It is a beautiful grace … to weep praying for everything: for what is good, for our sins, for graces, for joy itself…[It] prepares us to see Jesus.”
Jesus shows us true tears of compassion and love for his friends Lazarus, Mary, and Martha in our Gospel reading this Sunday. Jesus wept upon seeing the grief of His friends at the death of their brother Lazarus (John 11:35). He wasn’t sorry for Himself; He was moved with merciful love and at sin, the cause of death itself (see CCC 400). Pope Benedict XVI said, “Many Saints have had the gift of tears, renewing the emotion of Jesus himself who did not hold back or hide his tears at the tomb of his friend Lazarus and at the grief of Mary and Martha or at the sight of Jerusalem during his last days on this earth.” Jesus was often moved with compassion for the sick, hungry, the lost, and those in grief (see Matthew 9:36, Matthew 15:32, Mark 1:41, Luke 7:13).
The gift of tears is a profound spiritual grace from God that is an outward sign of a tender, loving heart that is moved by truth, goodness, and beauty and out of merciful love of others. Our tears are precious to God, and we can offer them back to Him as a gift of whatever is their cause. Maybe they are tears springing from joy or beauty, so we offer them back to Him in thankfulness. Tears of sorrow as repentance. Tears of compassion and sympathy for the healing and comfort of our neighbor. My plan for honoring my gift of tears is to pay attention to what they are communicating from my heart. Do my tears lead me to active mercy and compassion that compels me to help my neighbor, or perhaps they are simply a tiny drop of prayer to God?
Father, thank you for giving us tears as an outward expression of the movements of our hearts. Help me to honor this gift and offer it back to you in love and thankfulness.